No Regrets?
28 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Thoughts Tags: life, past, regrets
Sometimes I sit here and I wonder if I made the right choice, moving across the world to pursue a law degree.
I wonder if it was worth losing my relationship with Raul over. I wonder if it was worth giving up a job where I was making decent money to start all over again. All these things run through my mind.
Then I think about the amazing people I have met, the experience I am gaining and how marketable I will be once I return to Canada. I think about how much I have learned about myself and how strong I am. How much I like being on my own and actually love being domestic- cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry… I love it.. So yea, it was worth losing or giving up all that I did to move here.
For starters, if it was meant to be with Raul, that would have lasted, I wasn’t satisfied in the position that I was in at my old job and studying and ultimately practising law was always my dream. So really can you go wrong when you follow your heart and your head? I don’t think so.
This will be very cliché, but what is meant to be, will be and you will travel the path that you are destined to be on. Mind you, the path will be filled with obstacles, but how willing you are to get to your destination will determine how well you overcome those obstacles.
Look at the past as a lesson, look at it as experience and look at it for wisdom. Your past shouldn’t make you soft and weak, it shouldn’t make you hard and bitter… it should make you better, stronger, smarter- because you lived it.
Anyway, that’s just something that’s on my mind… what do you think? Do you agree with me or share a different view? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
xo
Lola
p.s. I still wasn’t able to register on POF so I gave up…
Random Act of Kindness
24 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Thoughts Tags: good people, guardian angels, happy, random act of kindness
Yesterday on my way home from the library, I noticed a gentleman who seemed like he was having some trouble getting to where he needed to go. I noticed he had a white cane and kept walking in circles muttering to himself. I stood there for a second watching him, because I wanted to make sure that he needed help. I went over to him and I noticed he was also wearing a hearing aid device. I asked him if he was okay and where he was trying to go. He frustratedly said he was trying to get to the library. He wasn’t very close to the library, so I offered to take him there. He told me that because of the new construction he can’t seem to find his way around and he needed to get to the library cafe to get his lunch then head back to his office. He asked if I was a student or an employee and I told him that I was a student. We didn’t exchange much, but when we got to the library, I opened the cafe door for him and took him inside.
After that, I felt so good inside, I felt like smiling- I felt happy to know that I helped someone out, not for personal gain, or for to get good karma. I genuinely wanted to help. No one was watching, I wasn’t putting on a show… it was just a random act.
I was talking to my dad earlier today and I told him how good it felt. He pointed out that when we lived in Jamaica and he would pick people up who stood on the roadside trying to catch a ride into the city, he felt good after, because he knew that he was helping someone in need.
I wouldn’t go as far as call myself an angel, but I guess that’s how angels feel when they do something good. I have decided that for everyday, I will try to do at least one random act of kindness. I like how I feel afterwards, its a good feeling.
Have you guys done any random acts of kindness? I’d love to hear your stories or even suggestions.
Hope you are all having a blessed day!
xo
Lola
How do you know when you’ve met the right one?
20 Apr 2012 1 Comment
in Thoughts Tags: forever, life, Love, relationship
Maybe God wants us to meet a
few wrong people before meeting
the right one so that when we finally
meet the right person, we will know
how to be grateful for that gift.
Today while taking a break from my Tort revision, my best-friend asked me this question. I couldn’t really wrap my mind around it, I mean I was studying psychiatric illnesses in Tort- the first thing that came to mind was “How can I sue the SOB who broke my heart?” I actually can- I could say “I suffered Post traumatic stress disorder from the betrayal” and should be compensated for it. But is that what I really want? To make him pay? No, I don’t want that, I’m not this bitter girl who manipulates the law to make my ex pay. No I’m not that person.
I went to the gym and I found myself thinking about the days of Raul. I thought he was the one. I was sure that he was the one actually. I was ready to convert to Islam for him. When I pictured my future, I could not see my future without him. When he was sad, stressed, worried- I could tell. I was ready to have his babies and get married and just spend the rest of my life with him. Well, we all know how that turned out..
I thought that, you’d know when you met Mr/Miss Right when you realise that not a day can go by without talking to him/her. When you wake up, he/she is the first person you think about and when you go to bed he/she is the last person to cross your mind. You would do anything to make that person happy. When they cry or hurt, you feel it. You forgive them for their mistakes and you love every single bit of their imperfection. Mr/ Miss Right challenges you, makes you want to be a better person. You feel good about yourself because, he/she supports and loves you for you. Not your success, he/she encourages you to do the right things and you never have to worry about whether or not you will tackle a problem alone, you will always have that right one in your corner.
That’s my thought on it, what do you think? What are the tell tale signs? Is it a situation where, when you know you know or is it a situation where, you grow to love and cherish each other after everything that you both have been through together…. I don’t know. Maybe what I just described is borderline obsession, I am still new to this.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
xo
Lola
Dreams
08 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in Thoughts Tags: animals, dreams
Lately I have been getting a lot of weird dreams just before waking up. Saturday morning I dreamt that I was travelling and was kidnapped. This morning, I dreamt that I was in Bora Bora with my family on a beautiful resort. The water was a really pretty turquoise blue, the sand was milky white, the sky was cloudless… it looked like something from a tourist advertisement. Well that was the beach, I went inside the hotel building and to my dismay, the hotel was covered in feces and alligators (the bigger ones are crocodiles).
In my dream we had to be jumping from spot to spot to avoid stepping in filth. At one point one of the reptiles attacked me and I used a suitcase to shove it away from me.
I googled about these dreams and apparently dreaming of these reptiles mean danger. Being kidnapped means that I feel trapped.
I haven’t been feeling trapped lately, stressed out? Yes I have 5- 100% exams in 8 weeks.
I am worried about how I will perform on these exams, but I’m trying to stay positive.
I am also considering running for course representative for my year, we’ll see what I decide. Also lately, I have been feeling very home-sick. I go back home in tow months, if you ask me- its not soon enough.
Hopefully these dreams will go away, or hopefully they are just dreams and they mean nothing… I am a little weirded out by them, I will be honest.
Do you guys have any advice for me on this? I’d really appreciate it.
xo
Lola
Why
13 Mar 2012 2 Comments
in Thoughts Tags: dating, online dating, relationship, single
I don’t know why this is happening now… but it seems like every single time I go out with my friends who have boyfriends, I get sad and wish I had someone too.
Saturday, I spent the day with my future roomates and it was so much fun, until we went for dinner and they started talking about their significant others. There were 6 of us at the table, one was engaged, two are in long-term relationships and there were three of us, all single.
Don’t get me wrong, I think I would prefer to be around some people who are in steady relationships, than all single girls- because its not a sob fest. We have something to look forward to, hearing about the other three’s relationships, it makes us hope for the day we find our Mr. Right. What is upsetting for me is when, I hear stories of people they know, wo have been together for years, then they break up and a year later the guy gets married. That was what was so upsetting and hurtful. I realised that I didn’t want that to happen to me.
I woke up the Sunday morning and I thought about how Raul had found happiness (he said he isnt) but that’s not my problem, so I decided to join a dating wesite. I had a profile on POF once, at that time I wasn’t serious about finding someone, I just wanted to see how this online dating thing went. I met too many weirdos, I didn’t even have a picture of myself up and the weirdos came out of the wood work- so I deleted my profile and got back on track with Raul.
This time, I was serious about finding someone, one of my bestfriends met her current boyfriend on POF and things are going amazing for them, so I figured I’d try my luck.
I went to the website, got my username, filled out a password and everything and clicked register. It came back and said that my password was too easy to guess. So I made up a rather difficult password, one that included caps, lower cases, numbers and symbols- if I didnt write it down, I wouldnt remember it! It came back again saying password is too easy to guess…. like wtf??? I kept trying for almost 1 hour and everytime it came back with the same thing!!!
I took that as a sign that maybe I shouldn’t join POF and I should just meet men the old fashion way and pray that one of them becomes my Mr. Right.
My question to you is, have you ever used a dating website? Did you meet anyone who wasn’t a stalker, psycho, oddball? Any tips for someone out there looking for romance and hoping to find it through online dating?
I know that there are more reputable sites out there, so I may check out eHarmony and see if they will accept one of my passwords… I mean how bad can it be? The selection, that is.
Drop me a line and let me know what you think.
xo
Lola
Pole Dancing
06 Feb 2012 9 Comments
in Law School, Thoughts Tags: bruised rib, pole dancing, work out
Hi Hi!!!
So I went to my first pole dancing class on Thursday at 6pm. I walked in on time and watched as they set up the poles and such and took turns doing twirls and spins to make sure it wa securely fastened. Anyway, I showed up in long pants– it was -2 outside I wasnt about to carry anything heavy and I surely was not going to wear anything short outside so I wore yoga pants. I looked around the room – everyone in attendance was in booty shorts! I thought… nah, I’m ok worst case scenario– I’ll roll my pants up and besides its a beginners class… we wont be doing anything ridiculous… like climbing the pole. I was so WRONG!
We did the fireman, the chair, the monkey, the reverse hook, actually…. look at this link and you’ll see everything that we did http://www.verticaldance.com/forumphotos/VerticalDance_beginnermoves.pdf
Now, while doing some of those poses I slid right down the pole… you need bare skin to stay on it… pants will just work against you.
The class lasted for one hour… its a really good work out- really good for building upper body strength- toning your arms and legs, its amazing but of course there is a down side to everything and with me being me… I wanted to be as graceful as the instructers and I wanted to look like I knew what I was doing… so of course I had to over do it. Besides the soreness in my arms which is expected from working out… I bruised my rib. How great is that? So yea… lesson of this post? Pole dancing is fun and it’s a great work out… but if you are a beginner… don’t try to not be a beginner… you’ll injure yourself… I plan on taking some pain killers and heading back on Thursday for another session… we’ll see how it goes…
Until next time… Please be safe
xo
Lola
ADDED PIC OF ME, ATTEMPTING THE ANGEL 8/MARCH 2012
Yoga
30 Jan 2012 6 Comments
in Law School, Thoughts Tags: bikram, moksha, self love, yoga
Today I tried Bikram Yoga…. NEVER AGAIN!
I thought I was going to die in there, the room was heated at 107 degrees fahrenheit. I was expecting to do some downward facing dog, typical poses… then I realised that Bikram and Moksha are two different types of yoga… Yes I’m a little late in the game.
Normally, after a Moksha session, I am very relaxed and limbs and muscles are feeling quite well, but tonight I’m sore and I’m so tired. I tried to leave the 90 minute class after 45 minutes and I got yelled at and was told to lay back on the mat. That was even worst, because it was so hot in there that I felt like I was going to pass out. My other friends tried to leave and they also got yelled at too. It was unbelieveable, this whole purpose of a yoga session was defeated, cuz we were stressed out in that heat.
Anyway, I vowed never to return to that class,we’ll see if I get peer pressured into it again. Anyway, it was an amazing experience and I’m definitely happy I tried a different type of yoga. I got to bond with the girls that I’m going to live with next year, so that’s a plus- it’s always good when the people you live with you get along with them.
I am planning on going to a pole dancing class on Thursday, this is all in the ‘new strategy’ to survive law school. I’ll make new friends and I’ll stay busy. I learned that the key to surviving is finding the right balance. Last semester I was a hermit– went out with a few people, but I isolated myself from others. I’m doing everything in moderation this year, limiting what I do in regards to extra curricular activities and finding that right balance between friends, my academic life and my social life.
I’m focusing on me and it seems to be working, whomever said “fix you then others will come along” was spot on. I’m still working on me, but when you fix your drama and drop the baggage and negativity, you realise how many people you attract. Some real genuine, some not so much, but people realise what a pleasure you are to be around and so, they naturally gravitate towards you. Its a beautiful feeling.
If you have not taken anything away from my blogs, please remember that.
I’m starting to fall asleep, so I think I will wrap this up now and say good night!
Be safe and let me know what your thoughts are
xo
Lola
A Year in review
30 Dec 2011 6 Comments
in Thoughts
I know it’s a little too soon to do my “year in review” but I have the time now, so why not?
2011 for me has been a year of learning; a year of mistakes and I began many adventures- both good and bad but nonetheless adventures.
So let the year in review begin!!!
- I was doing very well in the job that I had started in Mortgages. I successfully completed my training and probationary period and got a raise! My manager was an amazing lady and my teammates were wonderful individuals, possibly the best team that I have ever worked with to this day. When I got this job, I made a promise to God that, I would stop being petty, stop hating on people who I thought wronged me and instead- do things that would result in good karma for me. So when I got the job, I began to do make the effort to reach out to people who I used to be mean to, because I thought they wronged me. I gave them resume tips and referrals for open position in the company I worked for. So anyway, I feel like I have done a lot of good this year. I have even started to talk people who I had cut off couple years ago… I won’t say that we are best friends, but we are definitely talking and that’s a positive step in my opinion.
- I graduated at the top of my class with a Graduate Certificate in International Business Management. I met so many interesting individuals during this program. Some I have kept in touch with to this day. I am always happy to hear from them and their accomplishments. I learned a lot about my culture too by drilling them about their culture. I am part Indian, so why not go to the source right? I got into LAW SCHOOL!!!!!! *pats my shoulder* haha. This I believe is my biggest accomplishment for 2011. I got involved in mooting and won my first round, round 2 starts the end of January—so I will be gearing up for that after exams. I also got involved with the Law Ball Committee, so I will be planning the anticipated event of 2012 for the law society. It’s going to be fantastic, snakes, tarot card readers, belly dancers, hookah lounges and so much more! I can’t wait to go out in my corset blinged out dress!
- Yes, you all read about it! Raul decided that he wasn’t cut out for a long distance relationship and he left. I was heartbroken, I felt like my world fell apart and for the first few days after it happened, I kept telling myself that “we do this every couple months or atleast once a year, he’ll be back” I was right, two weeks later he came back. I however am done, I made peace with it and I forced myself to let him go. I suppressed any want that I felt for him and I killed any urge to run back to him. I stayed true to myself this time and told him it was over, for good this time. I am in a place where I never thought that I would be in. I can talk to him, without wondering who he is with, I know who she is now—but I am ok with him moving on. I am focusing on me, I am finding peace with myself before I can truly let someone else in. I have been dating and boy Raul doesn’t like it, but to be honest- his feelings don’t matter to me anymore. He gave up that right when he left so in conclusion. I may not be as happy as I would like to be, but to be honest I’m starting with me and moving from there. I don’t need a man to complete me- I need to complete me. I haven’t given up on love or Mr Right, but I won’t go looking for him or for love… when the time is right, they will find me. So until then I am going to focus on making ME better so when they do find me, it will be fairly smooth sailing.
- My relationship with my bf from high school was mended. We drifted apart after a while, barely communicated with each other, but I am so happy that Devi was there with me (in spirit) during my times of sorrow and joy. I am happy that although we are so far apart and although I haven’t seen her in almost 5 years, we are still close and that we were able to overcome the obstacles that were placed in our paths. I am blessed to have such a friend in my life, we have been bestfriends for almost 13 years and everyday was a blessing. She is not just a friend, she is family and I absolutely love her to death. I’ve told her on several occasions that she will not be at my wedding if she keeps trying to tell the world about embarrassing things I did when I was younger and her response was “I will find that church and burn that shit down- there will be no wedding without me”. Funny, my other bestfriend Tsahay said the same thing… great minds think alike I guess. No matter how much I try to uninvite them to my future wedding, they keep sending the threats…. I guess on that day I better have lots of alcohol handy for when they start embarrassing me infront of my husband and future family lol…. oh right… what goes around comes around… I have an arsenal on them too
Well there you have it my fellow readers… my 2011 in a nutshell… I don’t know what 2012 has in store for me, but I am welcoming it with arms wide open
Here’s to the blessings, opportunities and adventures that 2012 will bring us. When opportunity knocks, be ready because it wont knock a second time. Everything will happen in due time, just be ready and buckle up, because my friends, I have that little feeling in the pit of my gut that 2012 is going to be one hell of a ride… so hold on!
Till then, be safe and have a blessed New Year’s Eve!
Xo
Lola
Snakes in the grass!
29 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
As a child, my mom always warned me about “snakes in the grass”, not literally real snakes, but figuratively speaking. Let me tell you about my little episode with this potential snake.
Last Thursday, December 23rd I got a tweet from an individual on twitter asking what year I was in. I told this person that I was in my first year and then asked him, what year he was in. He said 3rd year part time. I thought, “ok no problem, thats fine” then he asked where I studied, I told him the school. (Smartie could have just read my profile that I attend UoL law school) Anyway, he said he was doing family law, equity and tort and that he hated tort law. (bells should have started going off in my head right now– but they didnt– tort is a first year subject, its a foundation course…. how is he doing final year courses with Tort, it makes no sense whatsoever)
Anyway, I love tort, I mooted a tort case and won the moot. I told him that I love tort and he then said that he may ask for help and asked if I have a bb. (Not a smart one here, I obviously I have a bb, I tweet 3/4s of my tweets from Twitter for Blackberry) Anyway I said yes and told him to DM me his pin. Shortly after, he added me and we started talking. I was a little naive here, because I was under the impression that I would be assisting him with Tort, and thats it. I had not thought about buddy telling about his ex wife and how much he hates the UK, US and Isreal and how much he wants to sue them when he is a practicing lawyer. (too extreme for me– plus I wanna help not destroy)
I told him that I wanted to do International Law and work for major corporations who want to do joint ventures or take overs, which ever– He then started saying how ambitous I am and he admires that. Naturally, as a good mannered individual you say Thank you and thats what I did. Anyway, long story short, buddy started getting a little too creepy. He would let me know that he cant sleep and that he never spoke to someone this much because he generally doesnt have the time to do it. Frankly, I don’t care if you dont have the time, or what- its not something that makes me feel special- especially by some intense anti us uk person. So the next day he messaged me and said I look Hawaiian and started trying to get a little too personal with me. He also told me that “lawyers are liars who lie on behalf of their clients” he also went on to say ” the Law profession is a very boring one” so buddy if you find it to be so unattractive, why the hell are you getting involved in it? You are a 32 year old who had a little too much fun in your undergrad and decided to fall into law, because you are working in a law firm (or so you say).
Anyway, the next day I started getting that uneasy feeling in my stomach, the feeling that said “this person is not who he is pretending to be” and I decided to ignore his bbm when he messaged me. I then went on twitter and there buddy was throwing his words at me because I didn’t answer him (do I have a magnet on my forehead that reads FREAKS, LOSERS, ODDBALLS AND PEOPLE WITH NO SOCIAL SKILLS, CONTACT ME!) I honestly think I do. Anyway I looked into my interactions page and saw that he had unfollowed me. Not that I cared, but it definitely made me wonder what his motives were. I decided to keep my distance even more but be cordial, so I would say thank you to the Merry Christmas greeting and the get well soon message. But I still had that uneasy feeling in my stomach. So on Christmas day, after everything was settled, I messaged him and said “I got an iphone for christmas and I no longer will be needing my bb, so please delete me from bbm.” he said “do you have a UK contact” I said “I dont know my #, its too long to remember” in all honesty, I don’t call myself- I have too much to worry about and try to remember… a 10 digit number is not one of them. He said no, but wouldnt delete me, so I deleted him. I then went on twitter and blocked him.
I got back to Canada on boxing day and I checked my twitter and noticed that some things were off, so I went into my dm box and noticed that he changed his name and deleted all the tweets he made– including the ones he made to me.
Maybe I over reacted to this situation, maybe my gut feeling was right, to be quite honest, I dont want to wait to find out if I was right or wrong. The fact that he wiped his account clean doesnt look good on his part. What do you guys think? Did I dodge a snake in the grass?
xo
Lola
Lost
29 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
Its the holiday season and while I have so much to be happy and thankful for, I still feel a little empty. I feel like there is something missing. I have a wonderful family and I have life- health, not so good but I’m medicated so I am getting better.
I am happy to be home, but to be honest, I miss England. I miss not being around all my friends who are coupled off and buying their houses, I miss my non-preggo friends who I could go and party with or have a drink. I miss the freedom I felt in England, nobody knew me, so it was easy to just be free. Here, I am reminded everyday of what I don’t have. I am in no rush to get married or have babies, but I wish I had that normal person who is at the airport waiting for me with flowers. I want to have the guy who I can text about good and bad stuff thats going on. I have friends who I can text or call whenever I need support, but I don’t want a friend who is supportive, I need someone who will love me for me and support me.
New Years Eve is coming up and all my close friends are going out with their significant other, I can’t go with the- this fifth wheel look doesn’t wear well. I have never felt so alone and lost before. I hear people say, “it will happen” or “you’ll find your Mr Right” but when exactly will that happen? When will I get my happy ending?
Did I do something in a past life that I am now being punished for? For some of my friends, its so easy to find the right guy, am I too picky? I dont want to go down another path with another “Raul” I don’t even want to go down that road with anyone who has the same mannerisms as Raul. These people who I have been meeting, they are just so socially awkward, I can’t even have a decent convo with them before they start annoying me and I tune out….
Anyway, I will continue to focus on me and avoid the signs that the opposite sex shows that I don’t want… in the mean time God bless and stay safe!
xo
Lola
